The following is something that was sent to me in an email. I don't know who came up with it otherwise I would credit them, but it wasn't me. Likely this has circulated with everyone else on the planet, but I just thought it was funny enough to post. Plus I don't have anything better to say.

When Barry Dawson goes swimming he doesn't get wet, the water gets Barry Dawsoned.

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Barry Dawson.

Barry Dawson counted to infinity - twice.

Barry Dawson invented every colour. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.

When Barry Dawson does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.

Barry Dawson hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.

Barry Dawson gave Mona Lisa that smile.

Barry Dawson can slam a revolving door.

Barry Dawson once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.

Barry Dawson's calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Barry Dawson.

Barry Dawson can speak Braille.

Barry Dawson's tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. Ever.

Superman owns a pair of Barry Dawson pyjamas.

Barry Dawson owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game Uno.

Barry Dawson sleeps with a night light. Not because Barry Dawson is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Barry Dawson.

Barry Dawson doesn't pop his collar, his shirts just get erections when they touch his body.

Once a cobra bit Barry Dawson's leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.

Barry Dawson divides by zero.

Barry Dawson is always on top during sex because Barry Dawson never f***s up.

When Barry Dawson exercises, the machine gets stronger.

Barry Dawson doesn't use pickup lines, he simply says, "Now."

Barry Dawson sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled drinking ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Barry kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

Barry Dawson can kill two stones with one bird.

Barry Dawson once had an erection while lying face down. He struck oil.

Barry Dawson once devoured a whole wheel-barrow full of clay to prove to a friend that the expression "*****ting bricks" wasn't just a figure of speech.

The only time Barry Dawson was wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.

More things you wanted to know about me, but couldn't be bothered asking!

I'm empathic. That's right, I can read peoples minds! No wait, that's telepathic. I can however read and feel people's emotions acutely. Now I know what you're thinking (maybe I am telepathic), you assume that everyone can read peoples emotions. But that's not really true, as most folk are very good at putting up masks and barriers to appear happy, when they are actually miserable, or pretend that they don't like someone, when they actually have a massive crush on them. Well, I can see through their false facades, and what's worse, if I'm around them too long I start to feel the same way as them. I gotta be honest and say that this is part of the reason I'm not a huge people person. I don't hate everyone, but in RL, I don't get along with a huge amount of people. I'm not a social retard or anything, I just don't 'click' strongly with a great deal of humans. Bears on the other hand.....

When I am in a shopping centre or any crowded area I really have to focus on blocking out the 'emotional' static from everyone around me otherwise it feels really oppressive. It doesn't stop me going out, but it often keeps me from completely relaxing when going out. When I was single I did consider becoming a hermit and living out away from society, but then where would I plug in my Xbox? How would I access porn? No that wouldn't have done at all. Still the idea of living like Yoda might be cool for a while.

Empathy of any kind is vitally important in a relationship I feel, and I think it's why my wife and I get along. I see other couples and it frustrates me when one side can't tell that they are really shitting the other, or that they don't even care that they are doing it. I can tell very quickly when my wife is losing her patience with me and often before she starts throwing stuff at me. Then I can act appropriately. So I will end this post with some kind of moral lesson (yes there's a first time for everything). Pay attention to the people around you (that you care about), notice how they are feeling and act accordingly. If you're normally selfish, stop focussing only on how things effect you and give a thought to the fact that you are little more that a single multi celled organism amoungst an ocean of billions of other multi celled organisms on a planet that sits in a sea of infinite space. And to quote the end of a Monty Python song, "And pray that there's intelligent life, somewhere out in space, cause there's bugger all down here on earth."

C'est Geek Chic

My inner Star Wars geek and inner martial arts practioner have finally celebrated together upon seeing this inspired creation.

Yes, it is a Darth Vader like suit of Samurai armour!! I believe it costs a few thousand dollars and is initially only going to be available in Japan, so I won't be owning one anytime soon.

I realise that many people who read this blog might not be interested in such a bizarre work of art, but too bad! It's not always about you ok. ;-)

So I'm unfit again.

After a break of a few months I finally got back to Ninjutsu training last night. And it damn near killed me! In my time off I did bugger all exercise (mostly because of the heat). Well no where near the amount required to get the heart rate up properly. As a result of throwing myself back in and turning up on a night where they were having black belt training stuff, it was a case of too much too soon. I did part of the previous class as well and about two thirds of the way into the b.belt class I was ready to throw up on my opponent as I felt that exhausted. I had to pull out a bit early and just sit down. Not only did I physically feel like crap, but I felt like I was letting my training partner down. I must get my fitness back up to an acceptable level. What is hard is that in my job I'm pretty much sitting down for nearly 12 hours straight for each shift. I don't think my boss would accept the idea of replacing our chairs with exercise bikes or treadmills though.

Holiday excursion

I took the family to the Melbourne Aquarium during the school holidays. We went in the morning, in the middle of the week, cause my thinking was that other families wouldn't have shift working dads who had wednesdays off, so it shouldn't be too crowded. WRONG! It was very busy and we had to wait in a pretty long queue in a mid 30's summer day, with our baby who we found out later had a cold. After negotiating the crowd and paying the exorbitant entry fee we finally made it inside and had look at some of the tanks with a variety of fish in them. It was about this time that I realised that fish aren't particularly interesting and to be honest I was more interested in the structural integrity and engineering of the tanks. The baby seemed to be only slightly more impressed than me and was equally amused by all the kids running around. And where there's kids there are prams. Thousands of them I'm sure. We also had one which although essential with a young child is very annoying. There are a number of people that seem to think that it is easier for someone pushing a bulky pram to be able to move around, than it is for them to move their fat arses and take one step to the side.

As anyone who has been to the aquarium before would know, there are a number of levels in the place and although there were escalators, we had to take the (very slow) lifts thanks to aformentioned pram. There just happened to be a number of.....'non-able bodied people' at the aquarium that day and one of them was in the first lift with us in her wheelchair and her carer. As I was standing there holding the pram, this wheelchair bound young woman reached out and grabbed my hand! Now I should state that I'm not a big fan of being touched by anyone, so someone who's intentions I could not read touching me kind of creeped me out a bit. She started to draw my hand towards her face and I believe she was trying to rub my hand on her cheek, which was kind of sweet in an odd sort of way. Then the carer noticed and told her to be more gentle and I drew my hand back. She still reached out again and tried to grab my hand and when I moved it out of range she reached further and grabbed my t-shirt and pulled on it! This time it was my turn to tell her to be gentle and I moved back as far as I could in the small lift and thankfully the door opened and we could all get out.

The aquarium itself is a very interesting place and had it been less busy we would have been able to take more in and read the info about the fish etc, but it was very hard to get to some of the smaller tanks, for crowds of children and fat parents. The highlight was the 'Oceanarium' which is on the bottom level, where the tank extends over head and and pretty much all around you. This tank has huge sharks and stingrays and all sorts of fish who's identities are a mystery to me. My daughter and wife seemed to like this area as much as me. It is also a bit of fun trying to find the exit in that place as well. After escaping and stopping in at Southbank we headed home.

It was also my mum's 60th birthday so we went out to a nice chinese restaurant for dinner while the sister in-law baby sat. A pretty great day overall. Apart from baby being grumpy, the crowds and the heat.

NB. I just wanted to make it clear that I have nothing against non-able body/mental people (don't know the politically correct term) and if an able bodied person had done the same thing to me in that lift it would have equally creeped me out. Fat people however..... ;-)