10 pieces of advice and wisdom for aspiring or soon to be dads.
- Are you nuts! Seriously, really think about it.
- The Geneva Convention prohibits torture by sleep deprivation for extended periods of time….babies disregard the Geneva Convention! You may have heard from other parents that kids don’t sleep for normal periods of time. However, only when you are woken about 8 or more times during the night for months on end, while having to get up and go to work everyday, do you really understand the horror.
- Babies smell fresh and clean right? WRONG, they smell like vomit, poo and urine until you wash them, and that’s if they even tolerate being washed. Oh, and get used to smelling like baby vomit, poo and urine yourself.
- All babies are supposed to be good and free from evil, but that’s a myth too. Case in point, Stewie Griffin from ‘Family Guy’.
- In
- Q: “Babies aren’t that expensive are they? I mean, I’ll still be able to afford to go out the pub every weekend with my mates right?”
A: “Hahaha, you crack me up hypothetical guy! If you want to be single again soon, sure go ahead.”
- Q: “It’s worth it all in the end, for the love you get back from them isn’t it?”
A: “If by ‘love’, you mean resentment and anger that you don’t give them everything their greedy little hearts desire, then I suppose so.”
- Q: “Will my love life suffer from having kids?”
A: “Yup. And only when your wife/partner wants more vermin..I mean children, will you be allowed to enter the forbidden zone again.”
- Q: “I’ll be raising another human life, surely I need some sort of license or training to become a parent?
A: To operate heavy machinery, fire a gun, or take part in most professional occupations you do, but any psycho can have children.
- Q: “Oh no, I’ve already gone and had a baby!”
A: “Then my friend, you are doomed.”
NB: Javatari is a happily married father who may or may not be qualified to give parental advice. If children persist, stop having sex or use protection.
posted by Javatari at 1:27 AM
7 Comments:
Problems at home, Merlo?
Damn ... is it too late to change my mind? (Due date today.)
Very funy stuff, I love it!
PS - Have you read Big Blogger lately? Catch up by reading the episodes in order via the list of links on the sidebar. It's important that you read them in chronological order, not as they appear down the page.)
You're a FATHER???
Good Lord.
Who would have thunk it??
luckyluke, teething baby and stressed man = blog entry.
bevis, might be a tad late. Kids are great, but if you have a girl and she turns out like Steph you're in trouble. ;-)
steph, yeah I know, how did I ever get laid?
Steph, don't believe a word he says. He adopted. He never got laid.
bevis, shouldn't you be off having a baby or something?
Not personally, no.
Post a Comment
<< Home