Nobeltitus

As the son of two doctors I feel fully qualified to notify everyone about the current epidemic that seems to be sweeping the nation. Mainly restricted to males between 14 and 30ish, it is a debilitating illness that affects not only the sufferer, but also those around them. I have named the disease, ‘Nobeltitus’. The first symptom is the loss of fine motor skills, specifically the ability to either a.) Put on a belt at all, or b.) Put on a belt, but be unable to buckle it tightly enough to keep their pants up. This symptom results in the sufferers pants resting at various points between the mid gluteus maximum muscle and the half way point of the femur bone. A further tragedy of the illness stems from the exposure of the ‘plumber’s crack’, or ‘coin slot’ of the patient to all around them. Sadly the victim is either unaware of a.) The distress they cause others and b.) How much of a f***wit they look in their condition. Unfortunately there is no known cure. It is suspected that patient zero or the initial carrier is ‘Jamie’ from the Australian Big Brother TV show and so far the attempts to isolate him in a quarantine area with suffers of other annoying disorders such as ‘Whineyvoicitus’, and ‘Cantshutupism’ have been successful. But I’m not sure how much longer this can be maintained.

If you know someone who has contracted Nobeltitus, please kick them in the butt as much as you can. It can’t be cured, but hopefully one day these idiots will realize that it’s not cool to be able to see the top of their tool.